


Fading Away

by ColdeLinke



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Laura and Peter are not dead, Angst, Family Stilinski feels, Fluff, M/M, Magic!Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 18:49:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdeLinke/pseuds/ColdeLinke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He pictures his mom, her perfume and the feeling of coziness and safety she procured him. He tries and tries and tries, but two hours later, he's still lying wide awake in the bed. It takes him that long to let the tears pour down his face. 'NO NO NO LET ME SLEEP, LET ME SEE HER, MOM, MOM, NO NO NO' he screams in his own head. He tends to be discreet, doesn't let the sobs leave the borders of his lips, but from time to time, a quiet moan will escape him. He doesn't sleep at all that night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fading Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Carlotta](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Carlotta).



> Just a reminder that I'm French, so if there are mistakes, or if you notice my lack of vocabulary, I apologize.. If you have any question, don't hesitate to ask, I will gladly answer them :)

 

**Fading Away.**

 

Stiles has always been different. Since he can talk and walk, strange things happen around him. It begins slowly, he does things so unsignificant that he isn't really aware of them. He catches the glass of water when it was supposed to spill on the floor, stretches out the blanket over his shoulder without touching it, dries his hair within seconds without the help of a hair-dryer. He is young, four or five years-old, and doesn't really understand that the things he does are uncommon. Nobody notices, not even his parents.

But then, when he is ten years-old and that the house of his parents' friends burns down, he uses his talent to save the uncle of the family that is inside - just like the others, except that all the others are already dead - without knowing, without really wanting, in front of his parents, and from there everything speeds up.

His father researches as often as he can - when he's not at the police station - and his mother is even more protective over him. His best friend moves into a bigger house because his mother marries the survivor and with him comes his nephew and his niece, Derek and Laura, who were at school when the fire happened. And suddenly, the vet from across town comes and goes every other day, helping him control his spark of magic, explains that he has sensed the power within him and that if he doesn't control it, it might end up badly. He makes him promise not to tell anyone. He promises, but tells Scott anyway, because he is his best friend and he never hides anything from him. Scott seems excited and asks him to show him, and Stiles does, with a wide grin.

He learns to live with his gift, using it only when absolutely necessary or sometimes unaware, doesn't even think about it. He doesn't have to hide because his only friend is Scott, even if he sometimes talks to Laura when Scott goes to the bathroom or does his chores, and because his parents know.

He stops using magic when, right after he turns fourteen, his mother dies of cancer, and he doesn't succeed in saving her.

  
________

  
He's had trouble coming to the cemetery. It's hard to drive with teary eyes. It's hard to stand with trembling knees. He can feel the wind caressing his face while the tears come streaming down his cheeks. He smells her perfume, but he thinks that it's only his imagination. He reads the inscription written on the grave, "Aria Stilinski, loving wife and mother", and it feels as if there's a hole in his chest, he feels empty.

 

It is November 24th 2012. Today, it has been three years since his mother died.

( _She is in her hospital bed, she is pale and looks tired, really tired. Her smile has the shape of a wince, and her eyes don't spark anymore. It's as if life has already left her._

_"_ _You take good care of your dad for me, will you?" she lets out in a whisper, and her shaky hands are on his face, she’s rubbing her thumbs soothingly across his cheeks._

_He nods and tries not to cry, because he knows what this means, what these words mean._

_"I'm proud of you, my baby boy. I love you," she says, and he knows it's time for him to go, to let her rest._

_When he leaves the room, he doesn't turn back. It almost feels like a goodbye._

_On the morning when he comes back, she's gone._ )

  
________

  
Usually, he spends the beginning of the night on his computer, playing a stupid game or reading funny - yet useless - facts, taking too many Adderall to try to be focused enough to do his English essay. When he goes to bed that night, he curls up in a ball and hugs the blanket tightly, looking for warmth. He squeezes his eyes shut and thinks about his mother, about her shining blond hair and her bright brown eyes, about her soft voice when she wished him goodnight, about her smile when he'd tell her about his day. He thinks about her and everything she's ever done for him, he thinks about everything that's happened since she's gone, and he cries, he cries so hard he feels like his chest is burning.

He whispers to the dark that he misses her so much and that he wants to see her again. He falls asleep with his nails sinking in his palms, bleeding.

He dreams about his mother, sees her standing in the kitchen of a house that isn't his but that is vaguely familiar. She's baking an apple pie, his favorite dessert, and he finds himself hugging her before he even realises it. She laughs, calls him a baby fondly and ruffles his hair before going back to baking. It's so good to hear her laugh, he tells her all the jokes he knows only to hear it over and over again.

He wakes in the night, sobbing, his heart a tiny nut rattling about in his chest and the faint recollection of blonde hair and brown eyes and a clawing sense of utter despair. When he drifts off to sleep again, he doesn't dream.

  
________

  
The next day, he's waiting for Scott outside his house, the cool air slipping through his clothes. He feels the rain more than he sees it, and he's starting to be mad at Scott for taking so much time. Five minutes later, Derek comes out from the front door and stops when he sees him.

"He's already left, you know? He went with Allison," he says, and Stiles answers with a sigh. "Come on, get in the car, I'll give you a ride. I wouldn't want your dad to think I let you get sick."

He rolls his eyes but gets in the car anyway, because he doesn't want to catch a cold either. He doesn't speak often with Derek. It's not because he doesn't like Derek, it's more because Derek doesn't like him. They're different. Stiles is talkative, he speaks a lot and can't stay still, always smiles to people he doesn't even know, isn't shy to do so ; whereas Derek is more of a shy type of guy, never really speaks unless spoken to - and even then, not always -, doesn't smile very often - if not at all -, always with a frowny face when he is with other people.

Derek says he doesn't like Stiles, but then he saves his life and acts like a big protective brother.

( _It happens a few months after his mother dies. He is walking home alone because Scott has a detention. His shoulders are hunched and he struggles with each step because he still has courbatures from his Lacrosse's session. He stares at his feet, doesn't look up even when he hears the voices and the laughters._

_"_ _Oh, mommy boy's here", one says, but he ignores it._

_"Is mommy boy a faggot?" another one asks, and they all laugh when one answers with a "of course he is, look at his clothes!" He can't help the sigh that comes out of his mouth._

_He doesn't even comprehend what is happening until he is on the ground, shaking, the blows burning his flesh and making him bleed._

_He's on the verge of passing out when he hears a familiar voice that makes the guys run away, and then he's being carried by strong arms and minutes later, he's in the hospital._

_"Derek," he calls with half-closed eyes and a dizzy head, "thanks," and he almost misses the nod before Derek leaves by the open door._ )

  
________

  
He spends the morning watching Scott talking with Allison, flirting with her, and he pretends he doesn't resent Scott for that, for being lucky enough that he has someone to talk to that isn't his best friend, that he has someone who looks at him as if he's the only person in the world. He is used to being ditched for Allison, but it doesn't mean that he likes it. But he's never been able to stay mad, especially when Scott makes puppy eyes and gives him all his curly fries. By the end of the day, they are close again.

But when night comes and the silence reigns in his bedroom, it seems that his mind is playing tricks with him because he starts to recall every single time he was alone, without any way to feel better. He remembers trying to talk to other people during lunch, only to be ignored or mocked at. He remembers going back from school after a bad day expecting his mother to be here only to remember last minute that she won't be here ever again, waiting for his father to hear him cry in his bedroom before he reminds himself the note he read this morning, saying 'Won't be home for dinner, don't wait up for me. Love you kiddo.' He has trouble falling asleep that night.

He dreams of his mother again. She is sitting on the bench outside the exact same house, watching as three kids he doesn't know chase each other playingly in the garden. When he sits next to her, she looks up at him and smiles sadly, before she takes his hand in hers and squeezes.

"There are times when you will feel more alone than you actually are. In those moments, it is hard to remember the good things that have happened to you, for all the bad ones have shadowed them and hidden them away. But there is always room for light, do you understand, baby boy?" she says, pinches the bridge of his nose gently, just like she used to do when she was explaining something to him.

He nods and he can't stop the tears from falling. He tries to hide them by weeping them away, but she sees them before he has the chance.

"Oh, sweetheart!" She takes him in her arms, and after a few sweet words whispered in his ear, she takes him to the kitchen and gives him some chocolate along with a glass of milk, the same way she used to when he got hurt or had had a nightmare.

He doesn't wake until his alarm goes off. He's crying.

He finds himself thinking about Derek, wonders how he does it, how he can get up everyday knowing that he will never see his parents again, or his brothers and sisters. He's only seen him cry once.

 

( _He sits on the couch next to the older boy, who stares at the black screen of the tv. He can see water in his eyes, and he doesn't like when people cry, also his mother always tells him that when people are sad, a hug makes it better. He knows it's the truth, so he puts his small arms around Derek's neck and rests his head on his shoulder. The other boy tenses, but after a few seconds hugs back tightly, clutching at his shirt and hurting him a little, but it's alright because he's making someone feels better._

_He remembers the fire and the agonizing screams that came out of the house. He remembers the ugly scent of the ashes and of the burning flesh._

_He can't imagine a life without his parents or his best friend._ )  
  
________  
  
It takes him an hour to get up, each time he makes a move, it seems like there is something holding him up to the bed. He doesn't want to see other people, to have to talk to them even if they don't listen to him, to have to pretend to be fine when all he wants to do is fall back asleep so that he can talk to a dream. But he knows he has to, so after an hour of argument inside his own head, he leaves his bed and prepares for school. He smiles and speaks about his favorite comic books, tries to focus on the lessons and rolls his eyes at Harris, and if no one notices that his smile turns to a wince, the only reason is that no one is looking. When he gets home, he is met with his father's tired face, who tells him that he'd rather have Stiles staying at Scott tonight, because he has to leave for two days and he doesn't feel comfortable with Stiles staying alone. It makes Stiles want to cry because he doesn't want to have to pretend any longer today, he wants to crawl into bed and sleep, and never face the world again, but when he argues and sees his father's eyes shuttering shut for barely a second, he stops, hating himself for being so harsh to his father.

"I'll get my stuff, then," he says and climbs the stairs two by two, grabs a few clothes that he puts in a bag, his toothbrush as well, closes the bag and takes his pillow - because he hates how Scott's pillows are thin - and arrives downstairs to see that his father is waiting for him in the car.

They don't talk on the ride, but when Stiles is getting out of the car, his dad grabs his wrist and makes him turn around, he says "Sorry we don't spend much time together, son," and all Stiles can do is shake his head, silently saying "It's alright, I understand", because he can't bring himself to speak, afraid that if he does, he'll say the unspoken things, ' _I understand why you don't want to waste your time on me, I understand why you don't want to see each day the person who murdered your wife, I understand because if I was you, I wouldn't want to spend time with me either._ '

He closes the door behind him, and is automatically jumped on by Scott who screams that they'll watch movies all weekend, and play videogames, and annoy Derek as much as they can. He nods and says "Yes we will", but his heart isn't in it.

They sit together at 7pm, Melissa and Peter next to each other, Laura next to her uncle, and in front of them Scott, Stiles and Derek. Melissa asks Stiles about school, about lacrosse and about his health, says she hasn't seen him in the hospital in a while, for which she is thankful for. Peter makes jokes and Scott talks non-stop about Allison. In the corner of his eyes, Stiles notices Derek and Laura arguing in the kitchen about Derek leaving, "You can't leave me Derek, you can't!" she says just as she crashes in his arms, and he hears him answer "I won't, I promise, I won't".

If they notice that he is quieter than usual, they don't say anything.

 

( _He is a bubble of energy and he can't stop bouncing up and down on his chair, excited to relate his story to anyone who will listen to him. It seems to him that every grown-up and every child sitting at the table has their eyes fixed on him._

_"And so we saw the lions 'GRRR' and they were all so big and orange and (he laughs and he sees his mother smiling up at him) I ask'd mom if we could bring one home and she said maybe in a few years if I were a nice boy (everyone at the table laughs) and then we went to see the wolves! There were grey ones and - and dark ones like the stuffed one Derek has (Derek frowns at his plate, blushing, while everyone smiles) AND THEN (he talks a bit too loud, but he is so excited, he really needs to tell them about this moment) the biggest wolf, the black one, he comes t'ward me and oh his fur is so soft and so when we got into the shop at the end, mom bought me a re - rep ("a replica, honey") a replica of it! (he shows it to them and Melissa asks what its name is and he says) DEREK, because he made me think of when Derek is all nice and touchy and everything."_

_He doesn't notice Derek being red from head to toes, but he does hear Laura saying "awww" while his dad ruffles his hair tenderly. His mom presses him to eat his food but Scott is asking him to say it all again so he does._ )  
  
________

  
As soon as he is in the guest room, he undresses and lies on the bed, closes his eyes and tries to forget Scott's pout when he told him he was going to bed so soon. Instead, he focuses on shutting his brain and wishes he could fall asleep right away. He pictures his mom, her perfume and the feeling of coziness and safety she procured him. He tries and tries and tries, but two hours later, he's still lying wide awake in the bed. It takes him that long to let the tears pour down his face. 'NO NO NO LET ME SLEEP, LET ME SEE HER, MOM, MOM, NO NO NO' he screams in his own head. He tends to be discreet, doesn't let the sobs leave the borders of his lips, but from time to time, a quiet moan will escape him. He doesn't sleep at all that night.

On the morning, when he leaves the safety of the room to go eat breakfast after washing his face and trying to conceal his red and swollen eyes, his mind is still elsewhere, somewhere with his mother, hiding in her arms while he is being comforted. He is brought back to reality by Derek who is drinking his coffee.

"I made some pancakes, thought it might cheer you up," he says, and leaves before Stiles has time to react.

He glares at the pancakes for a whole minute, eyes wide and heart tightening. He understands that it means Derek has heard him last night, heard his whimpers and yet didn't enter the room to try to comforting, probably thinking that Stiles wished to be quiet. It's not the first time he comforts him.

He sits down, eats the pancakes half-heartily, feeling his heart warming up at each mouthful. When he is done, he is met by Scott, who asks him to play with him. He does so, with a smile on his face. He feels content for the first time in days.

 

( _The sky is hidden by the grey clouds and he can hear the drops resonating on the cold graves. He is dresses in black clothes and so is everyone around him. He thinks the weather is fitting, his mother was the sun of his life, now that she is gone, only rain can hide his tears._

_There's a moment, when everyone leaves the cemetery, where he stays there, staring right at his mother's coffin. He doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything, doesn't even cry - he no longer has tears - just stays still._

_After a while, he senses someone behind him. He doesn't turn around, he thinks he knows who it is. The person wraps its arm around Stiles' shoulders, and he glances at it before staring back down. They both stay silent, until -_

_"It's never going to go away, is it? This - this emptiness?" he asks, hands curling into fists._

_"No," Derek says in a firm voice. "No, it isn't."_

_It shouldn't comfort him but strangly, it does. Perhaps it's because it's the first time he hasn't been lied to in days._ )  
  
________

  
Days pass and soon it's been three weeks since the first dream. He keeps dreaming of her, but more often than not the dreams don't last long enough for him. He's aching, the hole in his chest vibrating each time he wakes up. He hates it, but then, he loves it so much he doesn't want them to stop either. He succeeds in smiling without forcing himself to do so now. It's hard, sometimes, but he just has to look at Scott smiling, or watches as his father listens to him with a small smile, or feels Derek's touch against his skin, and the smile is back on his face, like a mask he wears for Halloween.

When he closes his eyes that night, he is determined, yet still scared.

He can feel his mother's stare on him. She can probably sense that something is wrong, but she won't ask him, he knows she won't.

"I think I'm in love," he blurts out, and his hands can't stop shaking. He's terrified. Afraid that she's going to reject him, that she's going to be repulsed by him.

"That's great honey! What's her name?" she asks, and he really doesn't want to see her beautiful smile fade so he stares down at his feet.

"Derek. His name is Derek," it's a whisper, as if he secretly hopes that she won't hear him.

"Derek Hale? He's a good guy," her voice is soft and when he looks up, she doesn't seem disappointed.

His throat goes tight and he blinks against the war suddenly filling his eyes. She takes him in her arms, rubs his back gently and whispers in her ear "I'm so proud of you my boy."

It feels stupid, but it makes him feel better.

When he arrives at school the next morning, he notices Scott talking with douchebag Jackson, probably something about lacrosse. He walks toward them, grinning, eager to tell Scott about his new record. He waves at them, and says, probably talking over Jackson, "Hey bro, I beat you last night! We definitely got to play against each other in a -" He stops there when he notices that both are not listening to him and are still talking to each other.

"Scott? Hello?" He moves his head from right to left in front of Scott's face but nothing, not even an aknowledgment. "Not cool, buddy, really not -"

That's when he feels Jackson's hand getting through his chest. He gasps at the pain and touches his stomach, mouth agape.

"What the -"

Scott and Jackson leave separate ways, and soon Stiles is alone on the pavement. The school alarm must have rang while he was being - well.

He stays standing there a few minutes, trying to comprehend what has just happened, pinching his skin to see if he's dreaming, but apparently not. When he opens the door of the classroom moments later, he hears distantly Mr Harris' voice punishing him for being late. He lets out a breath of relief before sitting down next to Lydia.

He is going to pretend that it didn't happen. Just like he always does when it comes to dealing with problems.

 

( _"Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"_

_"I think so?"_

_"Oh my god Scott, why didn't tell me earlier? I would have helped!"_

_"I was going to! But then, this happened and - well - it was already too late."_

_There's a silence between the two boys. They're looking down at a hole in the dirty ground._

_"Here's what we're gonna do : pretend we didn't know and leave the adults to find out by themselves, good?"_

_Scott nods, "yeah ok" and they're both leaving, Stiles glancing back nervously before entering Scott's house._ )  
  
________

  
He is more and more tired each time he wakes up. He has a feeling that the dreams last longer as time flies. Each night, it feels more real than it did the night before. He has trouble distinguish reality from dream during the day, and the incident from before happens again, several times in a row. He wants to be afraid, he wants to do something about it, even though he doesn't know what, but he feels so content, so peaceful now that he can see his mother again, that he can talk to her and ask her for advice. Sometimes he sees other people, Derek's dead family. He sees his parents, Talia and Richard, smiling up at each other, deep in a conversation he cannot hear. He has to play with his brothers and sisters, Ian, Seth and Kayla while his mother is cooking dinner. He feels like he has found a new family in this dreaming world.

He is glad his mother has company when he leaves.

He notices Derek's gaze on him more and more often too. He is not the only one. Stiles' father looks at him with narrow eyes almost every time they see each other. He asks him odd questions : "Where were you last night? I came in your room to tell you that I won't be able to drive you to school on the morning but you weren't in your bed" ('I was,' is his answer, but he suspects he was transparent at the time, he can't really tell him that), "Did something happen with Derek?" ('No noth - wait, what do you mean?'), "Did you take your Adderall?" (Stiles can't stop fidgeting, but he did take them). It goes on and on, until one night Stiles can't take it anymore, yells at his father and storms out of the house. He feels awful about it not ten feet away, but he doesn't want to go back home until he has fully calmed down.

He doesn't go home at all that night.

He is strolling in the woods under the moonlight. He got lost after two hours of walk. He couldn't find his car. Now, he is shivering, the warmth left at the same time the sun did. He doesn't have his phone on him, as he left in a hurry and without proper thinking. He thought he would have calmed down by now, and although he is no longer angry at his father, he is angry at himself. His father is probably worried. He gives a kick to a rock then curses, hops up and down. He wonders if he should rest or keep walking, but after staying still for several minutes, the pain in his foot has vanished. So he starts walking again. He isn't used to walk so much non-stop, so his back is aching and he feels suddenly exhausted. He yawns, which, in the cold of the night, brings water to his eyes.

His pace slows and he's on the verge of sitting against a tree, his brain itching to fall asleep, his heart craving to join his mother, but his eyes set on the ruin of a burned house. He feels like throwing up, remembering the day he used his magic to save someone. He wonders if he should go see Deaton, maybe now that he sees his mother again, he could start using it, just like he did before.

He enters the house, his eyes evaluating the furnitures and trying to imagine what it was like before the fire. He falls asleep on the couch and joins his new family with a smile on his lips.

A voice wakes him up.

"STILES! What the hell? What are you doing here? Why did you sleep here? Your father was worried sick about you!"

It's Derek, shaking him, frowning, his eyes hard and cold, yet Stiles can tell by his voice that he was concerned too.

"He wasn't the only one," he murmurs, although he did not mean to say it outloud.

Derek doesn't answer, just pulls him up on his feet and yanks him outside.

"How did you find me anyway?" he rubs at his eyes, but then gazes at Derek with curiosity.

"Your jeep was parked closed to the woods, I assumed you might have come here."

"I didn't even know I'd come here until I was," he says.

"Why didn't you go home?"

"Couldn't find my car," he admits, embarassed.

Derek rolls his eyes and silence falls upon them.

Stiles wants to ask more questions, just to hear Derek's voice. He wants to talk and to pretend that they're both familiar with each other. He wants to ask him why he's here, if his dad asked for him or he came on his own. He wants to know if he's alright, if he likes college and isn't too busy now.

But he can see that Derek is lost in his own thoughts, so he lowers his head and shuts his mouth.

When they arrive on the road, he sees his father's car and suddenly he is crushed with warmth, love and relief.

An hour after the lecture, everything is normal again. It's not like it's the first time he got lost in the woods.

 

( _It's dark outside and the warmth of his hoodie is slowly swallowed by the night. He thinks maybe he should be afraid, he's a nine-years old alone in the woods, but strangly enough he's not._

_He wanders through the trees with only the moon as a light. He's dancing with the leaves and he feels a strong sense of magic envelopping him like a blanket. He feels safe and comfortable._

_I_ _t's only when he hears a twig breaks under someone else's foot that he startles and gets scared. He meets a man's glare, who smiles softly at him. His whole body is relaxed and welcoming, while Stiles' is stiff and ready to use his magic if needs to._

_"Hey, kiddo. Where are your parents?" the man asks. When he sees that Stiles won't answer, he chuckles and holds his hands up in surrender._

_"_ _I won't hurt you, I promise. I got a bunch of kids just like you in my house not far from here. You're welcome to follow me to see them and maybe eat a piece of pie? If you don't want to, I can call your parents from here, would you prefer that?"_

_Stiles hesitates, he doesn't want to trust the man, remembers everything his father ever said to him, "don't go with strangers, don't talk with them", but his mother's words echo in his mind, "trust your instinct", so he does._

_He holds out a hand to the man, who takes it with a smile. Minutes later they stand in front of a big house. The man, Richard he learns, takes him inside. He stays by his side, hidden behind the tall man while several children run around in the living room, a woman playing with them._

_It doesn't take long before his father arrives, relief washing over him, and Stiles rushes into his arms with ease._

_It isn't until much later that he learns that it was the Hales' house. It's the first time he sees them all together, but also the last._ )  
  
________

  
It happens more and more often. Most often he is alone. He disappears in the kitchen for a dozen minutes while his father is in the living room. But hedid it once when sitting next to Laura. When he reappears, she asks him if it's his magic and laughs at his horrified face.

"I know Deaton," she says, and that's it.

It scares him, yet he does nothing to make it stop. He takes sleeping pills now, can't fall asleep without them. He takes naps right after coming back from school, works, eats and sleeps again. He is too busy sleeping to play videogames or read books.

When he dreams the first time after the night in the woods, he recognises instantly the house in which his mother is : the Hales'. It gives him thrills every time he sees Peter, Laura and Derek. To think that he's able to go there, in the untouched house, seeing their relatives, makes his heart ache. Yet he says nothing.

When someone knocks at the door in the early evening, while his father is at the station, working, he opens the door with narrow eyes. They widen as he sees Derek and Deaton on his doorstep.

"What the -"

"Good evening Mr Stilinski. Derek here told me that you seemed to have used magic lately? Disappearing into thin air for several minutes, is that right?" Deaton asks as they bothwalk in the living room, as if Stiles has allowed them to.

"I - What? No I havent - I haven't used magic - I don't know what -"

"But you do disappear? Laura saw you!" Derek urges.

"I did - I do, so what?" Stiles retorts, quirks an eyebrow.

"I'm fairly certain that it is magic, Mr Stilinski. Are you sure you didn't cast a spell?" Deaton asks calmly.

"Of course I am ! I haven't used magic since -" he trails off, biting his lower lip. They both know what he was going to say, anyway.

"Did anything occur before it started happening? Anything unusual at all?"

"I -" He doesn't know what to say, if he's supposed to talk about the dreams. What are they going to do anyway, it's not like they'll be able to forbid him to sleep. "I have these dreams..." he starts saying, and he is under the impression that Deaton's eyes gloam. "I - hm, I can see my mother. Talk to her."

"Have you had many of those dreams?"

He stares at Deaton for a bit, listing the pros and cons in his head. Derek is quiet next to the older man, his eyes fixed on Stiles.

"Yeah..." he admits, then adds, "I've had them for about two months I think."

"And those dreams, they last longer as time passes, right?"

"I - How did you know?" He's mildly shocked. He hasn't told anyone about the dreams, least of all Deaton.

"Hm, that's what I thought," is the man's answer. He's nodding, probably thinking. "I'm afraid it is too dangerous for you to continue."

"What do you mean?" Stiles means to ask, but Derek beats him to it.

"Those dreams... aren't dreams. It is my belief that when Stiles closes his eyes and thinks he is falling asleep, he is actually going to the World of the Dead. Which is probably whythe 'dreams' are so vivid."

Both Derek and Stiles stare at him with wonder.

"Hm. Right. Does - does that mean it was actually my mother? Not just something that my mind made up?"

Deaton nods then his features turn stiff and hard.

"You must put an end to it, Mr Stilinski. If you keep doing it, going to see her, you're going to -"

"But I don't want to!" Stiles protests.

"Stiles!" Derek shouts, and Stiles barely notices the way his hands curl into fist. He's too angry to concentre on something so unsignificant.

"Mr Stilinski, it is important that you listen to me. Whenever you disappear, it is because you're leaving the World of the Living to go to the Dead's. When you think you are asleep, you no longer live in this world, and if someone comes into your room to tell you something or wake you up, they would only find an empty bed. You cannot be at two places at once. Now, the more you go the World of the Dead, the longer you stay there each night, the less you are able to stay in the World of the Living. There is a balance. Magic doesn't come without a price. I'm afraid that if you keep going, you're going to die, and you'll never be able to turn back, to return to our world." Deaton's voice is low and firm, he probably doesn't expect Stiles to retort, yet again.

"But I want to see her! I need to! And Ian, and Seth -" he stops himself, suddenly cold.

He glances at Derek whose eyes are wide open and who seems more vulnerable than ever.

"You - you see -" He never finishes his sentence, but Stiles knows what he means.

"Ye - Yeah , I do. So you know why I can't stop. I don't even know how I do it!"

Suddenly Derek seems more angry than Stiles has ever seen him.

"IF YOU DON'T STOP YOU'LL DIE! DO YOU GET THAT STILES, DO YOU?" He shouts at him, and instead of agreeing with him, Stiles shouts back.

"SHE'S MY MOTHER, I CAN'T LOSE HER AGAIN!"

While they are arguing, Stiles sees in the corner of the eye Deaton leaving the house. They're yelling arguments at each other, until it's too much for Stiles, and he falls on his knees and cries.

"I can't, I can't do it, please don't make me do it," he says over and over again.

Derek kneels in front of him and his voice is soft when he speaks, although shaking, "Stiles, listen to me. If I could, I wouldn't, I really wouldn't. But I can't let you die. Please Stiles, you need to stop... I know how much it hurts to -"

"No, no you don't know. I have never felt happier than since I've been dreaming. Why can't I enjoy talking to them and - and being with them, while also being here? Why is it so unfair?" His hands are gripping and pulling his hair, his head shaking from left to right. He feels like he is going mad.

"Stiles," it escapes his lips in barely more than a whisper. "You need to live, to - to enjoy the many things that life has to offer, and I know it's going to be hard but - but I'll be there, and so will your father, Scott, Laura. Look at me," he orders and Stiles can't help but do as he says, "you won't be alone, and you won't live forever. One day, you'll join them, but today is not the day. Please, stay, for me?"

He nods, somewhat reluctant. "Only," he swallows his tears, "only if I get to say goodbye."

Derek agrees. Soon, they are on the couch, Stiles' head resting on Derek's lap. He runs his hand through Stiles' hair, relaxing him.

"How do you think it'll work, after, to stop? Do I - do I have to cast a spell?" he swallows again.

"I'm not entirely sure, Deaton said - just don't think about it right now, alright?"

He inhales and exhales softly, trying to even his breathing, to calm down. He's worned out from the yelling and the crying. It doesn't take long to slip fully into sleep.

When he opens his eyes, he doesn't see anyone, which is unusual because his mother is always waiting for him.

"Hello? Is there anybody here?" His throat goes tight. He is afraid he won't be able to hug his mother one last time.

"Stiles? We're upstairs," a voice calls out.

He climbs the stairs two by two and enters the first room on the left. His mother is standing there, in a white dress, her hair tied in a bun, with a few strands exceeding. She is beautiful. Ian is playing with her, talking about pirates and knights. A small smile crept over his face. At least, she isn't alone, he tells himself.

"Mom? Can I talk to you alone?" She smiles at him and nods, leaves the room and gestures toward the end of the corridor.

He enters the room first, takes little Ian in his arms and gives him a paper.

"Will you give this to your parents for me? It is a very important mission, Sir Ian," The little boy nods, looking very serious with his eyebrows touching each other as he frowns.

He smiles and fondles his hair before joining his mother.

"Stiles, are you okay?" His mother enquires, probably worried.

"I - I am not, but I will be."

There is a silent pause between the two of them. And then, Stiles rushes into her arms and holds tight.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry you had to leave, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, I -"

"No, no, stop it," she takes his head into her hands and forces him to lock eyes with her, "it isn't your fault, it's none of your fault, it is what it is, and how unfair it may seem, there was nothing to be done. You," she pauses, breathes slowly and then speaks again, "you are the most wonderful and smartest young man I have ever known and I'm very proud to call you my son, do you hear me?"

He nods before gripping harder.

"I love you. I love you so much - I don't want to lose you again," he manages to say through his tears and sobs.

"You're not losing me. I'm here," she's pointing at his chest, the left side, where his heart is, "I'm right here, and I'm not leaving you. I'll always be with you."

They stay there a while longer, still clutching at each other almost painfully.

When he opens his eyes, his vision is blurry and his breath heavy. He can feel a hand stroking his back soothingly while the other is curled around his wrist, feeling his pulse.

"Derek - Derek," he tries to call out through his sobs.

"It's okay, you're going to be fine," Derek shushes him.

It feels strange, Derek comforting him when it should be Scott.

 

( _Darkness surronds them, both hiding under the covers as Stiles stays quiet and Scott talks in a low voice._

_"I know what you're thinking, but Lydia is just stupid not to like you, I'm sure you'll find someone somday who'll accept you for who you are and -"_

_"She called me a freak," he lets out in a whisper, "is that what I am?"_

_"_ _Nah, if anything you're a freaking good Batman!"_

_His lips curve into a small grin against his will._ )

_____  
  
Sometimes when he closes his eyes, no matter where he is, he expects his mother to appear. He searches for her but she's not here. He remembers her face clearly, but she doesn't speak.When she does, she never answers his questions, only sings a lullaby in his ear. He struggles to not feel like his heart is breaking in millions of pieces.

Derek is always there, touching him somehow, grounding him. A head on Stiles' lap, an arm around his shoulder, a finger brushing against his knuckles, a kiss on his temple or a hand running through his hair.

Stiles never thanks him, but he thinks Derek gets it. After all, he lost his family too.  



End file.
